Koyal was forced to change schools much against her wishes. Her authoritarian father did not think Koyal had a say in the matter. Soon, she started failing in several subjects in the new school despite being one of the toppers in the class. The school Counselor diagnosed this condition as Passive-Aggressive behavior where the child attempted to sabotage the father instead of cooperating with the father’s decision.
8-year old James did not like his aggressive and intimidating mother and felt forced, and dictated to do things against his wish. His mother was a single mom and often became over-controlling to ensure that James was raised as a ‘good boy.’ James started sabotaging her control since he did not dare fight back or rebel. He would rush to the toilet just when the school bus arrived. As a result, he had to miss the bus, and his mother had to drop him to school or let him stay home when she could not. His formal clothes often got cuts, tears, and stains just before an event, especially those he was forced to wear against his wishes.
The Sabotage game
Several men and women can sabotage their married life just to prove to their parents that they were wrong in forcing them into the marriage against their wishes. Several Alcoholics, addicts, and failures are otherwise geniuses, and while trying to sabotage their authoritarian parents may start sabotaging themselves. Interestingly these games happen purely at the subconscious level. Neither the child personality nor the adult personality can recognize this pattern easily. And even if they recognize it, they can rarely do much about it as one has to enter the subconscious mind space to reverse these patterns. Later when you no longer have any authoritarian personality, the child in you starts sabotaging the parent in you. The parent in you wants to exercise every day but the child in you would keep postponing or oversleeping. They may manifest accidents, sprains, or injuries to sabotage the Parent personality. The Parent personality often wants to perform better but the Child personality would ensure sabotage.
Self-sabotage is a term that many of us are familiar with, but few truly understand. It’s a part of us who acts against our interests. It's that inner voice of the Child personality that tells us we can't, even when we can. It's the hesitation we feel when we're about to leap, even though we've prepared for it. It’s a self-destructive behavior that sabotages the command of the authoritarian parent personality in the inner or outer world.
Why do we do this to ourselves?
One way to understand this is by exploring the dynamics between the Adult, Child, and Parent personalities within us.
1. The Three Personalities: Adult, Child, and Parent
a. The Child: This is our emotional self. It's impulsive, spontaneous, and seeks immediate gratification. It's the part of us that feels hurt, joy, sadness, and excitement. The Child can be both playful and wounded.
b. The Parent: This is our nurturing and critical self. It's the voice that tells us what we should and shouldn't do based on the lessons we've learned from our parents and society. The Parent can be both supportive and judgmental.
c. The Adult: This is our rational self. It evaluates information, makes decisions, and solves problems. The Adult is the mediator between the Child and the Parent.
How Self-Sabotage Occurs
When the Child personality feels threatened or hurt, it might react impulsively, leading to decisions that aren't in its best interest. The Parent, in its role as critic, might reinforce these feelings by telling us we're not good enough or that we're bound to fail. The Adult, if not strong enough, might fail to mediate between these two, leading to self-sabotage.
For example, imagine you're considering a job change. The Child personality in you might feel scared of the unknown.; the Parent might over-insist, and remind you to overcome your past weaknesses and failures which can become severe. If the Adult doesn't step in to assess the situation rationally, you might end up sabotaging a potentially beneficial move.
a. Heal the child in you: Make the child feel secure, empowered, and confident to take life positively. Secure the parent in you and inculcate the faith in the ability to have constructive ways of life. Strengthen the Adult: Cultivate rational thinking. Whenever the child in you is faced with a decision, let the adult in you take a step back, assess the situation, and take charge.
b. Heal the wounded Child: Acknowledge and validate your feelings. If you're feeling scared or hurt, instead of pushing these feelings away, recognize and resolve them. Understand where they're coming from. So you can address the root cause of your behavioral patterns. Ease the adverse associations with parents and parent personality.
c. Educate the Parent: Not all lessons we've learned from our parents and society serve us. It's crucial to re-evaluate these beliefs and see if they align with who we are today. Replace critical thoughts with supportive ones.
d. Consult a Redikall Practioner: If you find it challenging to navigate these personalities, consider seeking Redikall Guidance for Self-Help to avoid further self-sabotage.
e. Role of Redikall in healing Self Sabotage due to Parent and Child Personality conflict
Heals the unhealed child personality.
Liberates you from the unhealthy beliefs related to authoritarian parents, teachers, and others who are senior in position.
Gives you an insight and awareness of how you can constructively cooperate with the authority to create a win-win situation.
Makes peace with the past.
Creates a space for favorable and empowering future possibilities.
Understanding the dynamics between the Adult, Child, and Parent personalities within us is the first step in preventing self-sabotage. By recognizing which voice is speaking, addressing its concerns, and resolving its interpersonal dynamics, we can make decisions in our best interest to lead a more fulfilling life. Remember, the key is balance. When all three personalities work harmoniously, we're in the best position to thrive.
If you are a beginner with Redikall, you can focus on empowering the rational Adult in you to take charge of the situation and rise beyond the inner conflict.
If you are a Spiritual Solution Curriculum Level 1 Participant, you can start by working with unhealthy associations with authority figures.
If you are a Spiritual Solution Curriculum Level 2 Participant, address your unhealthy beliefs and manifest better cooperation amidst the child and adult personality through multi-chakra affirmations.
If you are a Spiritual Solution Curriculum Level 3 Participant, address the inner child who felt troubled due to the authority figures.
If you are a Spiritual Solution Curriculum Level 4 Participant, heal and resolve the interpersonal relationship between your past inner child personality and parent or authoritarian personality so that eventually you heal the child in you, and the parent in you.
If you are a Spiritual Solution Level 5 Participant, heal and resolve the sabotage patterns with Money-related issues.
Thank you for reading the entire blog. Please leave a comment mentioning your feedback, case studies, and your favorite Redikall Statements that have helped you or your clients. Readers will benefit from them as well.