How to stop being a compulsive people pleaser?
Have you ever found yourself saying "yes" to tasks you didn't want to do, just to avoid disappointing someone? Or constantly adjusting your behavior to fit into what you believe others expect of you? If these scenarios sound familiar, you might be caught in the web of a compulsive need to please others.
It is certainly good to have happy people around you. However, your compulsive need to keep them happy can have several repercussions. Let's explore...
What is People-Pleasing Behavior?
People-pleasing is a behavior pattern where an individual feels a strong need to meet others' expectations, often at the expense of their own needs and desires. It stems from a deep-seated fear of rejection or criticism. For many, the thought of letting someone down or facing disapproval is so distressing that they go to great lengths to avoid it.
1. Childhood Experiences: Your upbringing can significantly influence behavior patterns. If you grew up in an environment where your worth was measured by your ability to make others happy or avoid conflict, you might develop people-pleasing tendencies. Episodes of severe punishment in childhood, after displeasing parents can contribute to this compulsion.
2. Low Self-Esteem: A lack of self-worth can result in seeking validation from others. You might believe that meeting others' needs constantly is the only way to be liked or valued. Perhaps there is a dependency on others' praise and appreciation to boost the sense of self-worth.
3. Fear of disharmony: Some people are conflict-averse. They believe that agreeing with others or doing what they want will prevent disagreements or confrontations and resultant disharmony in relationships.
4. Need for personal and professional growth: If pleasing others in the past has boosted your educational and personal growth, and you have become a more successful, strong, efficient, and enduring personality, you may associate people pleasing with personal growth. However, you need to figure out if you are truly happy with your achievement based on other's need for happiness.
5. Risk of rejection and social isolation: The most common factor behind the compulsive need is the fear of rejection and eventual social isolation. However, are you not rejecting your personal needs by compulsively complying with others beyond your capacity to do that?
The Downside of Constantly Pleasing Others
1. Loss of Identity: Constantly catering to others' needs and desires can blur an individual's sense of self. They might struggle to recognize their own needs, desires, and values.
2. Burnout: Continuously putting others first can lead to physical and emotional exhaustion. It's challenging to meet everyone's expectations, and the pressure can be overwhelming.
3. Resentment: The constant need to please can breed resentment. You might feel your efforts are unappreciated or are being taken advantage of. At times, you find yourself deprived of any reciprocation or rewards.
4. Being taken for granted: Your need to please can be easily recognized by your beneficiaries, and they often take you for granted and use you as and when they wish to
5. Rejection when you are no longer needed: You may attract people who are self-centered or with selfish motives. They forget about you once their work is done and even reject you.
Breaking the People-Pleasing Cycle
1. Self-awareness: Recognizing and acknowledging your people-pleasing tendencies is the first step towards change. Reflect on past situations where you felt compelled to please, and try to understand the underlying motivations. Remember, it is nice to be helpful but not in a compulsive way.
2. Set Boundaries: Learn to say "No." You might find it difficult initially. However, drawing the line is crucial for your well-being. Remember, saying 'no' to something means saying yes to yourself.
3. Redikall Self-Help: Use Redikall Multi-Chakra guidance to understand why you compulsively please others and why you cannot say 'no.' Also, work on healing your past that made you a compulsive pleaser. Overcome fear of rejection and address associated issues
4. Take professional help: You may need to consult a Mentor, Therapist, Redikall Facilitator, or Redikall Practitioner who can help you break free from your compulsions.
5. Strengthen Your Self-Esteem: Engage in activities that make you feel competent and successful. Surround yourself with supportive individuals who value you for who you are, not just for what you can do for them. Be compassionate and kind to yourself
People treat you the way you treat yourself and not the way you treat them.
Guidance for our Members and Students
Classic Members: If you are a Classic or Premium Member, you can easily refer to the App multi-chakra guidance to find out the reasons behind the compulsive-pleasing attitude. You can also use the App - My World My Mirror to understand yourself through others' behavior.
Premium Members: You can meet the mentors online to seek their help and support in decoding as well as resolving the compulsion to please.
Spiritual Solution Level 1 Students: Dissociate displeasing with disharmony, and rejection. Address any adverse association you may have to reduce your compulsion to please. Address fear of rejection.
Spiritual Solution Level 2 Students: Reprogram your subconscious Mind with the right multi-chakra guidance to enhance self-worth and invite happy people around irrespective of your tendency to please others.
Spiritual Solution Level 3 Students: Recognize and Heal Inner Children. Recognize and decode your life game. Make peace with the possible consequences of saying no. Use future projection technique to project your self-compassionate and confident self who can be of great help after ensuring personal welfare.
Spiritual Solution Level 4 Students: Check how your relationship dynamics are interwoven around your compulsion to please and how you can have a sound relationship without the overt need to please anyone.
Spiritual Solution Level 5 Students: Check how you can stop unnecessary financial commitment out of a people-pleasing attitude and if you are misusing money to please many. Address the underlying causative factors and ensure you have healthy equations with prosperity consciousness as well as other fellow beings.
Spiritual Solution Level 6 Students: Decode the game around people-pleasing, observe your role-play, and observe others' contribution to your need for the experience. Be in graceful acknowledgment of the entire drama and yet, go beyond the need for this drama.
While it's natural to want to make others happy, it's essential to strike a balance. Continuously sacrificing your own needs and desires for the sake of others can lead to a host of emotional and psychological challenges. By recognizing the signs of compulsive people-pleasing and taking steps to address the underlying causes, you can build healthier relationships with yourself and others. Remember, it's okay to put yourself first sometimes.
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